Your Working Mom

Hello, My name is Nena I have a very different background.  I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I have been married and divorce several times.  I have been around the block more times than I really wanted.  I want to start out my life story with a quote that I read on a calendar.

This is true also for miserable situation - we can find the greatness, goodness, and wonder in any situation, all we have to do is look - it is there!
Anne and I have been friends for a very long time and when she showed me her site, I felt I could help with issues that I have lived with for a very long time.

I will start out that at age 16 I was pregnant.  My parents wanted me to get an abortion.  I did not feel that this was good.  So then they talked to me about adoption.  That I considered, but I really wanted that child that I was pregnant with, so as the story goes, I kept the child; married the father.
We were together almost 3 years and the marriage failed.  One night I came home after work, and my house was packed, my son gone.  They had moved from Wyoming to Wisconsin.  I did not know where he was for almost a year.  I went to Wisconsin to see him and was picked up by the police.  They took me to the courthouse and I was given three options. 
1. Pay back child support
2. Go to jail or 
3. Sign over my parental rights. 
(He had an "in" at the courthouse) Well, at 19 I was scared had no idea that this would happen to me.  I did not have anyone to help me, so I signed over my rights.  This was not the best decision that I could have made, but I did.  I have paid for that decision every day since that day.
My son just turned 16 last September, and we are now in contact with each other.  He does not know this entire story, and at this point he won't.  I want to get to know him and I want him to know me. Then maybe some day we will have a talk and he can hear my side.

I'm going to skip a few years, and talk about my second marriage.  I married my second husband because I had cervical cancer and the Doctor told me if I wanted kids I needed to have them soon.  So I married my second husband.  Things were actually going well until I got pregnant.  And like many women, I gained weight. He did not like this, and the marriage started going down hill. I have two very beautiful boys from this marriage.  I also have another divorce from this marriage.
After this marriage, I was a single mom for a few years.  I went to college and received an Associates degree and graduated top 5% of my class.  It was not easy, but it can be done. (My kids were 2 and 3 at the time.)

Needless to say, this divorce was not very nice.  It is the typical "He said" "She said" type of divorce, I have tired very hard not to talk bad about the boy's dad, but he gets his digs in every chance he can.  This is really hard on the kids.
My boys have asked me lots of questions about our divorce, and I have tried to explain to them that they are loved very much by all their parents (each parent loves differently), but the parents can't love each other.  They have asked if their Dad could ever come back and I've told them no.  I've told them that BOTH their Dad and I have problems with the other and it has nothing to do with them, but we just can't get along and they are better off with us not being together.

Which bring me into the stepparents--my kids are very fortunate, they have a very loving stepfather and stepmother.  I am again married, to a very loving and wonderful man.  And my ex has remarried to a very nice woman.  She truly loves my kids and I am very happy about that.
My new husband is adopted and he treats the kids like they were his birth children, this also raises problems.  When he loves it is complete, just as his hate is complete.  When my kids come home hurt from their father, my husband goes off the deep end, no one should hurt "his" kids.
My husband is also hurt because he feels that the kids love their birth dad more than him.  Of course, this is not true.  The boys love him very much, but differently than their dad.  My husband has been more a part of the boys' lives than their dad until he moved closer.  My hubby and I have extremely long conversations on this subject, so I have a good understanding of where the step-parent feels they are.

My ex's wife also talks to me.  She also feels displaced by me.  I have very mixed feelings about that. A part of me feels good, but another feels bad, this will hurt her parenting my children.  And between her and my ex, I would rather have her parenting my kids than him.  She at least uses tact and understanding when the kids have questions or are hurt.  Both of the boys have explained this to me that they go to her with problems and not their dad.

So, this is my life in a nutshell, I am very happy to share more with you, and I can be here for your questions on how to handle some situations.  I don't have all the answers, and who knows, you might answer some questions for me.  That is what is good about people you can share your lives and help someone.  You also find that your life is not as bad as you think.  I have been involved in a woman's group, and this group helped me see that even though I have not had the life I wanted, it was not bad, it made me the person that I am today.  It is allowing me the opportunity to be here for someone else.