BIRTH ORDER

I started with a handicapped child, Katrina, and five years later another girl.  She had to start life learning to be patient as mom had to take care of Katrina's needs first.  As she grew up other situations came up.  But here I want to address the birth order problem.  
In most families you will find that the firstborn seems to fit a mold.  They are more responsible, able to take care of the younger children, more sure of themselves.  I akin this largely to having had mom and dad to themselves for a time.  Even if the next child comes only a year later, they still had a whole year.  Imagine having your parents sole attention for a whole year!  
Unfortunately for my second, she was put into the position of the oldest, but never had the benefit of being the only.  She is the second child, more flighty and creative.  Fortunately she adores children, so I never worry about the younger children's well-being.  But there have been times when this has been a problem for her.
Another time when birth order could have been a problem was when my 5th was born.  This made our home 'yours, mine, and ours'.  It could have been a major problem, but it worked out well on a number of fronts.  There was not the excessive jealously, because the children saw her as a special gift that ties us all together as a family.  But, there is 8 years between her and the sister she shares a room with.  #4 was the baby for many years.  We had to give her time and space to adjust to the changes in her life.  Remember, to her father she still is the baby.  So when she visits him, she is back in that position.  With us she is not only a big sister to her half-sister, but her step-sisters as well.
This brings me to the most important time to remember all of this.  Most of the year my four are #2, #3, #4, and #5.  My step-daughters are N the oldest, and T the youngest.  When they are all together that changes everything.  T is no longer the youngest, and N the oldest.  The big gap between #4 and #5 is bridged by two more children.  The middle child is lost in a sea of other middle children.  In some ways they loose there identity.  I must remember this when #4 complains about how N is bossing her around.  My son, who was the middle child, is now looked up to and needs to be more responsible, as does #2.  It is all a mass confusion, but workable if we remember one important thing.  Do not dwell on rules, blood-ties, and who is right or wrong.  We have been given the wonderful opportunity to fill our lives with many more people to love and be loved by.  Be patient, whatever the problem is today, it probably won't matter tomorrow.