I don't think I am an expert on bringing up children -
far from it - I have
made many of the same mistakes everyone does. Perhaps there should be a
school lesson on how to be good parents as it is just something you have
to
learn from experience (although a good few books about children do come
in
handy). However, I shall tell you a bit about my family and how I dealt
with my children in the hope it may help someone else or strike a
familiar
chord of 'oh yes, I did that too'
I live in England on the east coast in a lovely place called
Lowestoft. My
children were both born in the local hospital and have lived at our same
address all their lives. I think that it must be a good thing to be
brought up at one place. You are more likely to make and keep friends
for
all your life from school to work - especially in a relatively small
community like ours where everyone seems to know everyone else and/or be
related to them - sometimes you have to be very careful what you say
about
people to others !!
My son is oldest (now 20) and was a very hard baby. He used to cry
for
ages and I spent many a night walking around his room carrying him and
singing to him til he went to sleep again. However, when my daughter was
born (now 16) I had learnt my lesson and just SAT and rocked her on my
lap
to get her to sleep (although she was an easier baby anyway as she would
sleep anywhere and everywhere). We did eventually leave Adam to cry for
a
few minutes at a time in his cot and.... true enough as all the books
say
.... he did drop off to sleep quite quickly once he realised good old
mum
wasn't coming to sing again.
I remember he also was very fussy about his food when young. I
worried
that he wasn't eating enough as he would just pick at food. However, we
also visited some friends at this time who had a dreadful time with
their
daughter and her food - it was so bad that most mealtimes ended with
them
shouting at her as she wouldn't eat, and her crying. This made me
realise
that nothing was gained by 'going on' at them to eat and to treat it
fairly
casually (although that was easier said than done!).
We used to leave little healthy snacks around the room so he would eat
them
without realising what he was doing to make sure he got enough.
Now he eats like a horse - so I guess the lesson is not to worry as they
will all grow up all right in the end.
My daughter was much quieter (not now though) and easier. I am not
sure
that some of this might have been due to having gained a bit of
experience with
my first child and therefore I didn't worry quite so much or get so
worked
up about things that went wrong.
We did get a bit of jealousy when my daughter was born. Its only
natural
as someone who has had the attention all the time realises that they
have to
take turns - and of course a new baby requires a lot more attention than
an
older child. We did try to include him in helping with the baby and both
took turns to do things just with him so he didn't feel left out - I
hope it
worked.
There were not too many problems as they grew up. I expect everyone
has
the usual ones of 'but everyone else can do it' and 'its not fair - you
don't understand'. But on the whole, they both had a lot of friends
(loads
of tea parties) and parties (I have definitely had enough of party
games)
and a happy childhood. Both my husband and I think it very important to
give time to children and do things with them and take them lots of
different places. We tried to offer them lots of different experiences
and
different views on life and hope that we have made them open and
friendly
people who will try to get on with everyone.
One thing I feel quite strongly about is that a parent should stay at
home
when the children are young. I think I am in a minority now in England
as
so many people have children, leave them at nursery or with a
childminder
and go back to their career. I think if people don't want to give up the
time to look after their children, they shouldn't have them in the first
place. A lot of people say they cannot afford to stay at home but
although
we had to make sacrifices (maybe have an older car and cheap holidays
etc)
there were many more benefits for the children from them having the
stability
of someone who was 'always there'.
Once they started school, I went back to work (but only a job that
fitted in
with their school hours and the holidays) - this meant that I didn't get
to
the top in a career but I think the children were more important.
Now they are older, we are still all good friends and I am pleased to
say
they get on very well together as well as with my husband and I. It was
very difficult to start to let go as they got older. Even now I have to
stop myself trying to tell them what to do - I think the following
quotation
sums it all up - is it worth it - definitely !!
Mothers hold you in their arms when you are small -
but in their hearts forever.
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